meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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