this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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