If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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