remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
