my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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