I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
