What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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