if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
