Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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