He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
