I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
