Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
