We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
