how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
