i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
