sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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