dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
