side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
