he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
