I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
