I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
