at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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