I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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