we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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