I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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