My hand turned me down
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
