I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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