btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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