i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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