this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
