Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
