Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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