his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
