Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
