Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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