I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
