I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
