You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What a dumb baby whore.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
