I met the friendliest cop last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize