I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize