Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
