What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
