My brain says no but my pants say off.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
