those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
