Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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