Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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