I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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