Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
