Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize