oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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