It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
