as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
