cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
