super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
