i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
