I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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