so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
