I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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