he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
