Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
