did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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