Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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