then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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