I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
