What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
