Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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