Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Less talking, more tequila
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
