I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she looked like the before picture.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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