My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
