Im at strip club and am horny
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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