i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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