Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
