She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
