I CAN MOONWALK!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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