Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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