I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
operation harelip BJ is a go
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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