chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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