WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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