Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
