I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
