god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
