i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
