What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
