Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
