He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
