so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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