if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
