we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize