Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love having hate sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
