he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize