is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
