so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
