maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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