I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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