you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
